Ooooooooooh, USA, USA! USA! USAAAAAAAAA
 

Oh When the Yanks, come marching in, Oh When the Yanks come marching in,
Oh Lord I want to be in that number, When the Yanks come marching in!  Fresh off the most impressive showing the United States Men’s National Team has ever had in a FIFA competition, the Yanks continue to impress in the CONCACAF Gold Cup. If you haven’t jumped on the bandwagon yet, you better hurry and grab a seat. The United States is poised to have a previously unmatched run into next year’s World Cup and you should be getting ready.

During the month of June, the USMNT journeyed to South Africa to join seven other countries, South Africa, Brazil, Spain, Italy, New Zealand, Egypt, and Iraq, for a mini preview of next years’ World Cup. The US was stunned in their first two matches, looking lackluster and confused while getting stomped by Italy and Brazil, losing 3-1 and 3-0, respectively. By the way, that one goal in the Italy game was basically a gift from the referee, as he pointed to the penalty spot after a dubious foul call against the Azzuri. The US were acting like a bunch of five year olds seeing their first action on a soccer pitch and it looked like another disappointing tournament was in store.

Stupid fouls resulting in red cards, a complete lack of ball control, questionable coaching decisions, and some pathetic backline play, along with zero imagination up front, were responsible for the, er, performance. Calling it a performance suggests some level of professionalism, and that’s a bit of a reach. The dissatisfaction was palpable on the porch of Christy’s Euro Pub as the American Outlaws, a USMNT supporter club, looked on with a few other observers and speculated exactly how long the head coach, Bob Bradley, was going to be allowed to keep his job. There were some rumblings that he might even need to be sacked mid-tourney and the resulting headaches be damned. The US was at the bottom of their group and would need a miracle in the final games of group play to advance to the next round. Basically, the US would need a 3-0 win against Egypt, a much better team than many thought who had already given both Italy and Brazil all they could handle, only losing 1-0 and 4-3, respectively, while Brazil, who had little to play for, would have to beat the Italians by
the score of 3-0 as well. I have a better chance of winning the lottery. Looks like I should have bought a ticket, because that’s exactly what happened. Bob Bradley finally woke up and realized the lineup he had been putting out there wasn’t working. The other Outlaws and I could have told him that in the first half of the Italy game, but I digress.

Charlie Davies, Michael Bradley (did you know he’s the coach’s son?), and Clint Demsey all scored for the Red, White and Blue while Brazil was running through the Italian defense like it was standing still. The games were being played simultaneously and the AOs were all holding our breath, as Brazil was up 3-0 at the half and the US still had a lot of work to do. In the 2nd half, Bradley brought us that next step closer to the unbelievable, while Brazil was fending off chance after Azzuri chance. Had any of the Italian shots found the back of the net, our fate was all but assured. The bar went nuts in the 71st minute when Dempsey shot home with a flying header that got by the Egyptian keeper to give the US the score it needed to advance. All that was left was for both teams to hold onto their respective leads while we were sitting there cheering and hoping, some of us unable to even watch. When the final whistles had blown, the loyal US supporters erupted in chants and song, many of us wondering if what we had just witnessed truly happened. It had, and the US was on their way to the next round, where the number one team in the world, Spain, awaited. The majority of us Outlaws didn’t give our beloved Yanks much of a chance against Spain, which came into the match riding not only a 15-game win streak, the world record, but also a 35-game unbeaten streak, a record they shared with Brazil. Little did we know that the US was going to surprise us once again. In the beginning of the match, Spain took control and seldom relinquished it. The US was struggling and only the stellar play of the back four, along with some spectacular keeping from Tim Howard, kept the Spaniards off the score sheet. Then the most spectacular end-to-end goal I’ve ever seen the US score happened in the 27th minute.

Coming off a Spanish corner, Dempsey and Davies raced up the field, providing more crisp back and forth passing then I’ve ever seen from any American duo on the pitch. Jose Altidore received the final pass and slammed the ball into the back of the net, with Spanish keeper Iker Casillas getting part of a hand to it, but to no avail. Honestly, there aren’t enough descriptive adjectives to describe this goal, it was that impressive. La Furia Roja regained control and pressed the Yanks, getting chance after chance, but the back line of Oguchi Onweyu, Jonathon Spector, Jay DeMerit, and captain Carlos Bocanegra defended with the tenacity of the Wolverines from Red Dawn. Some of you may be too young for that reference and if so, go watch that movie. Right after you finish this article, of course.

At the half, we stood outside smoking our cigarettes and wondering where this team had come from, because it certainly wasn’t the same team we had witnessed in the first two games of the competition. Happy we were though, when we re-entered the bar for the 2nd. It was much of the same in the second, with the Spanish maintaining their pressure and the US defense repelling attack after compelling attack. If one looked at the match statistics, minus the goals scored, there’s no way to think that the US was anywhere close to winning this game. The Red Fury had a 29-9 lead in shots, a 17-3 advantage in corners, and was dominating the possession time. However, in the 74th minute, Dempsey took a miss-hit ball from defender Sergio Ramos and poked home the second, and the all but win-ensuring, goal.

The celebrating that ensued, both on the field and in the bar, was one of the highlights of my soccer-watching career. Absolutely glorious. Here’s the thing. You want to be part of this. You should be part of this. Hell, you need to be part of this. Soccer is one of the last acceptable bastions of xenophobia, a sport where you can go and cheer on your country and tell every other country that they suck. And here’s how you do it. Go to www.theamericanoutlaws.com and sign up. It’s only $15 for a year’s membership and you get a t-shirt, an American flag bandana, a nifty pin, and discounts on admission to the matches
that we sometimes travel to. You also get to hang out with us, and that’s just a bonus. Then you go to Facebook, and join the American Outlaws - Greenville Brigade, and keep an eye out for when the matches are and where we’ll be viewing them. Then come on out and join us as we sing and cheer our beloved Yanks on to victory. We’ve got several World Cup qualifying matches coming up this fall and thankfully, none of them interfere with throwball. What’s that you say? There was another game in the Confederations Cup? The final against Brazil you say? Um, yeah, I don’t want to talk about that.
 

Until next time, sports fans.